Saturday, October 28, 2006
The pic of the bunch
Lo and behold, Dom produced some awesome pictures from nowhere! Actually they're pretty old, but it is always good to find old photos you have no problem with. My favourite is the white shirted and determined dancing photo, taken at Ben and Louise's wedding '03. I'll post the rest on Ringo.
On speed
I spent the day today watching two hour movies in an hour each. Yes, it can be done - thanks to fast-paced modern technology! For all those who are curious and think that it may improve their watching experience (I have a wasting time complex whenever I have spare time and don't feel as if I'm using it productively; I have to at least attempt several things at once. For example right now I'm blogging, watching Sleepy Hollow as part of the Splatterday Spectacular, and thinking about going for a run; jogging is 50% mental, you know) all you need to do is turn on English subtitles (or Swahili - your choice) and fast forward at double or 4x speed. Voila! Enjoy speed-watching and have an altogether more productive day. Helps to be a speed reader if you want the movie over with more quickly. It also completely ruins any cinematic ambience the movie seeks to create.
Man, I can't wait for TiVo!
Man, I can't wait for TiVo!
Friday, October 27, 2006
Idiot syncracies
You know those weird things everything does? I think one of the most obvious ones that no-one seems really to mention is disclaimers. The idea behind these is to detract from certain behaviour or actions of the person making the self-disclaimer. Here's an example: a former classmate of mine wears long johns to school. He knows there's no way he's not gonna get hassled so he brings it up in the locker room before everyone else does - "Hey guys it was really cold this morning... It was so cold this morning that I wore my long johns!" He says this right before disrobing and showing off the big long tightey whiteys. The guys who would normally do the hassling simply roll their eyes, saying "too much information" or suchlike.
You know what I mean? That was a real story, courtesy of Hayden Luke. But it's more widespread than just those with the simple fear of scorn from peers. A disclaimer doesn't generally need to be made if someone can "pull it off" however, but recidivist misbehaviourists need to do so. Another example is my little brother. He would be eating the last banana (after eating almost the whole bunch himself) and the first thing he'd say to anyone would be "Man, these bananas are really big" in an effort to draw the attention away from the fact he was eating the last banana and shouldn't be.
This came to my attention today because Dom gave me the most plain example a couple of months ago. He came back from the bathroom, clearly with something to say and begins "Ha ha you know how sometimes you pee on the seat a little bit? (no, I didn't know this) Well, this time it wasn't just a little bit, it was ALL OVER!" This was the most blatant evidence of the existence of disclaimers. Dom's desire to disclaim from his behaviour far outweighed his desire to combat the brunt of my wrath once I visited the bathroom and found out - knowing he was the only suspect.
Bet you know what I'm talking about now. Journals on human behaviour could dedicate volumes to this stuff.
You know what I mean? That was a real story, courtesy of Hayden Luke. But it's more widespread than just those with the simple fear of scorn from peers. A disclaimer doesn't generally need to be made if someone can "pull it off" however, but recidivist misbehaviourists need to do so. Another example is my little brother. He would be eating the last banana (after eating almost the whole bunch himself) and the first thing he'd say to anyone would be "Man, these bananas are really big" in an effort to draw the attention away from the fact he was eating the last banana and shouldn't be.
This came to my attention today because Dom gave me the most plain example a couple of months ago. He came back from the bathroom, clearly with something to say and begins "Ha ha you know how sometimes you pee on the seat a little bit? (no, I didn't know this) Well, this time it wasn't just a little bit, it was ALL OVER!" This was the most blatant evidence of the existence of disclaimers. Dom's desire to disclaim from his behaviour far outweighed his desire to combat the brunt of my wrath once I visited the bathroom and found out - knowing he was the only suspect.
Bet you know what I'm talking about now. Journals on human behaviour could dedicate volumes to this stuff.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Purple verse
Remember those rhyming couplets some time back? This one just came to me
All other sports can stick it
'Cause my favourite's cricket.
But not wanting to sell myself short or bore too many people (75% of my audience asleep is OK) I chose something more topical, but put a spin on the end. Perhaps not totally original, since it's basic mob mentality, but here goes. DISCLAIMER: This work does not necessarily reflect the views of the author.
Ambulance Chasers
Empty your wallets, your pockets, your purse
Scowl, howl, scream and curse
“Dentists’ fees don’t get much worse
Than those of smarmy lawyers!”
They live in streets of cobbled gold
While they exert their stranglehold
Until my very last chattel’s sold
Who seeks to harm me? Lawyers!
They charge me prices they cannot explain
Their bottomless pockets not unlike a drain
My existence characterised by the bane
Which always alarms me - Lawyers.
But when I’m arrested, crucified by the board?
Who cite me, smite me then indict me for fraud?
When Judge Damocles draws and sharpens his sword?
My saviour? An army of lawyers!
All other sports can stick it
'Cause my favourite's cricket.
But not wanting to sell myself short or bore too many people (75% of my audience asleep is OK) I chose something more topical, but put a spin on the end. Perhaps not totally original, since it's basic mob mentality, but here goes. DISCLAIMER: This work does not necessarily reflect the views of the author.
Ambulance Chasers
Empty your wallets, your pockets, your purse
Scowl, howl, scream and curse
“Dentists’ fees don’t get much worse
Than those of smarmy lawyers!”
They live in streets of cobbled gold
While they exert their stranglehold
Until my very last chattel’s sold
Who seeks to harm me? Lawyers!
They charge me prices they cannot explain
Their bottomless pockets not unlike a drain
My existence characterised by the bane
Which always alarms me - Lawyers.
But when I’m arrested, crucified by the board?
Who cite me, smite me then indict me for fraud?
When Judge Damocles draws and sharpens his sword?
My saviour? An army of lawyers!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
An apple a day...
Apple Computers reported today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music inside women's breasts .
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Uplifting
In the spirit of stealing ... or 'uplifting' things from other blogs that work so well, I got this from Jessie Newton's. I don't think mine will be nearly so effective, but here goes:
Go to your music player, set it to shuffle/random, and answer the following questions with the title of the FIRST song that you skip to each time. NO CHEATING!
If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream: Adrenaline
The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say: Walk on by
Your favorite thing to say when drunk is: Evidence
Your message to the world: Stronger
Your deepest secret: What a Fool Believes
Your innermost desire: I Could Have Loved You More
Your oldest memory makes you think: Like the Way I Do
Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include: Dice
On your deathbed, you'll whisper: Suddenly I See
Your friends say behind your back: Jerusalem
You say behind your friends' back: Fantasy
Your opinion of MySpace: Got What You Need
When you wake up in the morning, you mutter: Wonderful Life
If you found yourself lost on a desert island, you'd yell: Fade Away
Right now, your feelings are: I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts
What's your excuse for reposting this bulletin?: Pride
Your life's soundtrack: Year of the Cat
Your farewell message to the readers of this message: Superman is Dead
OK, again thanks to Jessie.... I am surprised and bewildered! After a couple of false starts, that really worked! Or maybe it didn't... all I know is that it worked in my head! Enjoy...
Go to your music player, set it to shuffle/random, and answer the following questions with the title of the FIRST song that you skip to each time. NO CHEATING!
If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream: Adrenaline
The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say: Walk on by
Your favorite thing to say when drunk is: Evidence
Your message to the world: Stronger
Your deepest secret: What a Fool Believes
Your innermost desire: I Could Have Loved You More
Your oldest memory makes you think: Like the Way I Do
Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include: Dice
On your deathbed, you'll whisper: Suddenly I See
Your friends say behind your back: Jerusalem
You say behind your friends' back: Fantasy
Your opinion of MySpace: Got What You Need
When you wake up in the morning, you mutter: Wonderful Life
If you found yourself lost on a desert island, you'd yell: Fade Away
Right now, your feelings are: I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts
What's your excuse for reposting this bulletin?: Pride
Your life's soundtrack: Year of the Cat
Your farewell message to the readers of this message: Superman is Dead
OK, again thanks to Jessie.... I am surprised and bewildered! After a couple of false starts, that really worked! Or maybe it didn't... all I know is that it worked in my head! Enjoy...
Stirrings
There's cricket on almost every night of the week, and you know what that means. Actually you probably don't. It means I might do more posts, since I'll be in front of the TV anyway. Unfortunately that means I might just have to think of something to write. I'll start with an inspirational picture, lifted from Liz's page. Her blog is www.otagogal.blogspot.com and her updating is REGULAR. Outrageous!
Honestly, I don't know where or when the pic was taken, but I was stoked to find it; it has 'Three Musketeers' written all over it!
Dom and I had an absolute brainwave last week. Put a few of our sayings on t-shirts and take on the Redemption brand! OK, well that wasn't even considered, actually, since any garments we made would be appealing to a completely different audience. Hmm... that sounded pretty bad; the words won't be vulgar or anything - but of course I can't ruin any surprise or give any ideas away. Watch this space. Or the space between my shoulder blades.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Regular Criticisms
Look what I found! I kept all my weekly Critic postings from last year! I'll put half in now... well, the ones that don't completely rely on other letters to make sense... and some that do. I'll hold the other half off for next time I have no idea what to write. Almost every time, eh?
8 Aug 2005
Dear Critic,
Every time I read the letters page, I have to resist the urge to run out and beat your correspondents with a dictionary, a grammar volume, or just a two-by-four with a couple of rusty nails through the end. So now everyone’s a satirist and a spellchecker? There is much to comment on from last week’s Critic:
Anna – Every sentence needs a verb. Anna bad.
d’Ugh – If you could use the same material to create every living organism, for, let’s say, cost and time efficiency, you’d rather spend a few thousand years faffing around, creating new DNA for a bit of variety?
Elizabeth Bennet – What is an Arts degree worth, exactly? It didn’t teach you the refinement and decorum your favourite novels are virtually oozing with. Leave the bad language to the boys. Yes, I have done a BA. I kicked myself for wasting three years, and then did an LLB.
Ryan Brown-Haysom – Sorry, I didn’t realise you were a Christian, just as you may not have realised that I went to the zoo once, and now I’m a panda bear. Poking fun at religion is fine, but your take on it is more Marilyn Manson than Adrian Plass.
William Shake-my-speare – Keep up the good work, shame on the editor for not printing your letter last week.
So much more to write, only 250 words to write it in!
Doogle.
Dear Critic,
Does no-one write anything positive anymore? I thought if I did, I’d be the only clown doing so, so rather than that, I’ll sum up all the other mail in this one. This should save our good editor topping herself from letter-induced depression, not to mention preserving a few of those glossy trees this glossy paper is made from. Circle those options that apply.
Dear Critic,
Life sucks. I am an arts student / overly sensitive / Liz Shaw and I am bored with nothing else to do / feeling persecuted / gifted with the ability to find offence in anything. I think my allowance is too low / I am the prime target of global conspiracies against humanity / very, very rarely and I believe that everyone else is wrong / the sun will never shine again / writing to the Critic will solve all my problems.
Yours in all seriousness,
Oppressed Minority.
P.S. Random moaning, sundry whining.
Doogle.
Dear Critic,
In South Africa at the moment there is a backlash of too much affirmative action. Too many unskilled black people were put into positions of power to balance the colour ratio and now the country is paying for it. How long before we see the same trend all over the world between men and women? Women are definitely not unskilled, but they have forever been campaigning for equal rights, and are even given their own week for their cause. When will they decide they finally are on an equal footing with their male counterparts? (And they aren’t already? Women are apparently running the country!) Suppose they do, then will the endless campaigning and women’s weeks just stop? Will bra burning cease? Will wives start beating their husbands? Will an annual men’s week begin?
Doogle
P.S. William Shake-my-speare – Ha ha! You amuse me, little man, but don’t flatter yourself about it. However, do call on me when you have to appear in court for all those child molestation charges you so rampantly accuse others of, so I can laugh at you then too. Yeah, you’ll recognise me. I’ll be the Crown counsel for prosecution.
12 September 2005
Dear Robbie,
Last week’s ‘letter of the week’ would have even Stephen La Roche ashamed to admit he wrote it. To the author, the word ‘lampoon’ would mean nothing more than a big barbed spear with a light on the end! Two weeks ago I wrote in to the Critic with a tongue-in-cheek opinion, satirizing the future of Women’s Week in an overindulgently politically correct society. 99.9% of readers understood that, one did not, and was not even tipped off by the deliberate misspelling of my name, which in itself suggests a not-so-serious outlook. Yes, women are ostensibly running the country, under the guise of a female Prime Minister and female Chief Justice, while the rest of the parliamentarians, judges and even members of the business round table are predominantly male. But that wasn’t the point; it was a joke, something that the author probably needs an interpreter for. There are no shades of grey for him, just absolutes. Do you know who I’m talking about? Oh dear, silly me, writing about him in the third person, which goes over the heads of many, just like anything written in a sardonic fashion. I was going to ask him for my share of his $30 book voucher, given I provided the material, but decided he could use it better to buy one of those black and yellow covered books entitled ‘Irony for Dummies.’
Doogle.
Dear Critic,
Last week I was walking through the Link, and ran into Mum and two of my little brothers having lunch there. I grew out of being embarrassed by that long ago, but I was very embarrassed by the dirty R18 rag on the table beside them, within reach of the nine-year-old. Just when I thought the Critic had hit new lows with the ‘Boring’ theme two weeks ago, they come up with the ‘Foul and Depraved’ theme, which had many readers retching. Freedom of speech means few boundaries, but that doesn’t mean that all decency should be dispensed with, and just because it can be disgusting doesn’t mean people want it to be that way. Clean up your act!
Doogle.
Blast from the past eh? Wait till you see the next instalment!
8 Aug 2005
Dear Critic,
Every time I read the letters page, I have to resist the urge to run out and beat your correspondents with a dictionary, a grammar volume, or just a two-by-four with a couple of rusty nails through the end. So now everyone’s a satirist and a spellchecker? There is much to comment on from last week’s Critic:
Anna – Every sentence needs a verb. Anna bad.
d’Ugh – If you could use the same material to create every living organism, for, let’s say, cost and time efficiency, you’d rather spend a few thousand years faffing around, creating new DNA for a bit of variety?
Elizabeth Bennet – What is an Arts degree worth, exactly? It didn’t teach you the refinement and decorum your favourite novels are virtually oozing with. Leave the bad language to the boys. Yes, I have done a BA. I kicked myself for wasting three years, and then did an LLB.
Ryan Brown-Haysom – Sorry, I didn’t realise you were a Christian, just as you may not have realised that I went to the zoo once, and now I’m a panda bear. Poking fun at religion is fine, but your take on it is more Marilyn Manson than Adrian Plass.
William Shake-my-speare – Keep up the good work, shame on the editor for not printing your letter last week.
So much more to write, only 250 words to write it in!
Doogle.
Dear Critic,
Does no-one write anything positive anymore? I thought if I did, I’d be the only clown doing so, so rather than that, I’ll sum up all the other mail in this one. This should save our good editor topping herself from letter-induced depression, not to mention preserving a few of those glossy trees this glossy paper is made from. Circle those options that apply.
Dear Critic,
Life sucks. I am an arts student / overly sensitive / Liz Shaw and I am bored with nothing else to do / feeling persecuted / gifted with the ability to find offence in anything. I think my allowance is too low / I am the prime target of global conspiracies against humanity / very, very rarely and I believe that everyone else is wrong / the sun will never shine again / writing to the Critic will solve all my problems.
Yours in all seriousness,
Oppressed Minority.
P.S. Random moaning, sundry whining.
Doogle.
Dear Critic,
In South Africa at the moment there is a backlash of too much affirmative action. Too many unskilled black people were put into positions of power to balance the colour ratio and now the country is paying for it. How long before we see the same trend all over the world between men and women? Women are definitely not unskilled, but they have forever been campaigning for equal rights, and are even given their own week for their cause. When will they decide they finally are on an equal footing with their male counterparts? (And they aren’t already? Women are apparently running the country!) Suppose they do, then will the endless campaigning and women’s weeks just stop? Will bra burning cease? Will wives start beating their husbands? Will an annual men’s week begin?
Doogle
P.S. William Shake-my-speare – Ha ha! You amuse me, little man, but don’t flatter yourself about it. However, do call on me when you have to appear in court for all those child molestation charges you so rampantly accuse others of, so I can laugh at you then too. Yeah, you’ll recognise me. I’ll be the Crown counsel for prosecution.
12 September 2005
Dear Robbie,
Last week’s ‘letter of the week’ would have even Stephen La Roche ashamed to admit he wrote it. To the author, the word ‘lampoon’ would mean nothing more than a big barbed spear with a light on the end! Two weeks ago I wrote in to the Critic with a tongue-in-cheek opinion, satirizing the future of Women’s Week in an overindulgently politically correct society. 99.9% of readers understood that, one did not, and was not even tipped off by the deliberate misspelling of my name, which in itself suggests a not-so-serious outlook. Yes, women are ostensibly running the country, under the guise of a female Prime Minister and female Chief Justice, while the rest of the parliamentarians, judges and even members of the business round table are predominantly male. But that wasn’t the point; it was a joke, something that the author probably needs an interpreter for. There are no shades of grey for him, just absolutes. Do you know who I’m talking about? Oh dear, silly me, writing about him in the third person, which goes over the heads of many, just like anything written in a sardonic fashion. I was going to ask him for my share of his $30 book voucher, given I provided the material, but decided he could use it better to buy one of those black and yellow covered books entitled ‘Irony for Dummies.’
Doogle.
Dear Critic,
Last week I was walking through the Link, and ran into Mum and two of my little brothers having lunch there. I grew out of being embarrassed by that long ago, but I was very embarrassed by the dirty R18 rag on the table beside them, within reach of the nine-year-old. Just when I thought the Critic had hit new lows with the ‘Boring’ theme two weeks ago, they come up with the ‘Foul and Depraved’ theme, which had many readers retching. Freedom of speech means few boundaries, but that doesn’t mean that all decency should be dispensed with, and just because it can be disgusting doesn’t mean people want it to be that way. Clean up your act!
Doogle.
Blast from the past eh? Wait till you see the next instalment!
Monday, October 09, 2006
One post a month?
It's that time again... But this time I have real news to report! Straight from the hotmail files to me: an amazing job opportunity, money for nothing! This is all I have to do, but beware, I'm not sharing my gains with anyone! Pity lovely, God-fearing guys who sent these also sent me conflicting email addresses which sap all their credibility, but hey, I'm still willing to give them a chance.
From: Jerome Lewis Esq.
The inspiration to contact you is simply divine providence, I am making this proposition because I have to seek the partnership of a resource person to help me realize this project. I am Jerome Lewis Esq. a solicitor and investment consultant based in London, United Kingdom. I was attending a business luncheon in Berlin, Germany and I got introduced to the renowned German businessman and property mogul, Mr. Andreas Schranner(of the blessed memory). He engaged my services as attorney and investment consultant and my primary assignment was to spearhead his investment forays in the United Kingdom. Three months later I invited him to London and under my professional guidance and based on my advice he made a fixed deposit of 30,000,000,00EUR at with security companies in Germany and Netherlands. This deposit was for 12months and upon maturity I made effort to contact my client, I could not reach him or any member of his family. I was forced to travel to Germany and there I got the tragic news that on July 25TH, 2000, my client Mr. Andreas Schranner, his wife Maria, their daughter Erich and husband Christina and their two children perished in the Air France Concorde New York bound flight; please click here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
I have made effort to locate any member of his family with strong biological links to my late client without success. The search to find a close relation is one that has consumed time and resources. The institution is asking me to either present a next of kin to late Andreas Schranner or forfeit the deposit. My proposal is to you as next of kin to late Andreas Schranner and process the deposit and collect the deposits for our mutual benefit. My capacity as solicitor/investment consultant to my late client gives me the discretion to package and transfer the deposit to you. I will give you 30% for your effort, 60% for me and 10% for Charity and Tsunami Victims. It will amount to injustice if I do not take this decisive step to secure this deposit, and invest it The late Schranner was also a friend in addition to our business relationship. I will wait for your reaction and response and then together we can jump start this project and nurture it to reality. Please, make sure you respond through this my confidential email address: jeromelewiseq@openbg.com or jeromelewis@katamail.com Your swift response is anticipated.
Yours faithfully Jerome Lewis Esq.
The guy is an esquire! How can I not trust him?? Here's another helpful individual who came to me and me only for help.
Mr.Abgottspon EwaldBanque Jacob Safra(Schweiz)AGBleicherweg 1 / Paradeplatz8022 ZURICHSwitzerland.Email:aewald00@msn.com
Dear Sir,
I got your contact on my private search for a reliable and trusted person tohandle a transaction of this nature. I know thatthe contents of this mail might sound so strange, but I want to assure you thatevery word of it is true.I am Mr.Abgottspon Ewald, a credit officer with Banque Jacob Safra(Schweiz)AG.I have a concealed businesssuggestion for you.Before theplane crash of Mrs.Dimka Ilkova Boskovic on February 26, 2004 ,Dimka IlkovaBoskovic from the Ministry of ForeignAffairs,macedonia and also a business woman made a fixed deposit for 12 calendarmonths, with a value of Nine Million,eight Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch.You can visit this website:http://www.rferl.org/featuresarticle/2004/02/8c37dc80-40e3-4333-8d04-dad352108cb5.htmlThe board of directors of my bank adopted a resolution and as the accountingofficer to Mrs.Dimka Ilkova Boskovic I was mandated to provide her next of kin for the payment of this money within 14 working days orforfeit the money to the bank as an abandoned property. Further investigationsrevealed that Dimka Ilkova Boskovic did not declare any next of kin in herofficial papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And she alsoconfided in me the last time she was at my office that no one except me knew ofher deposit in my bank. So Nine Million,eight Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it.What bothers me most is that the directors of my bank hadplanned toinvoke the abandoned property decree of 1991 to confiscate the funds after theexpiration of the period given to me, despairing at the point of exhaustiveness but fortunately, I came across your name. My suggestion to youis that I will like you to stand as the next of kin toDimka Ilkova Boskovic so that you will be able to receive this funds.However, I seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin to the deceased.I have contacted an attorney that will prepare the necessarydocument that will back you up as the next of kin to Dimka Ilkova Boskovic. AllI require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this dealthrough. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangementthat will protect you from any breach of law. Be Inform also that weshall share the funds in the ratio 70% for me and 25% for you, while 5% shouldbe for Expenses or Tax as your Government may require. Pleaseendeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Iwill bring you into a more detailed picture of this transaction when I hear from you. Your earliest response to this letter will beappreciated via my private email address(aewald00@msn.com).
Kind Regards,Mr.Abgottspon Ewald.
Yes! I am a trusted and reliable person! And I'm not going to even bother checking that address he gave me at the start, because I know he's a trusted and reliable person too! His letter practically oozes with it!
From: Jerome Lewis Esq.
The inspiration to contact you is simply divine providence, I am making this proposition because I have to seek the partnership of a resource person to help me realize this project. I am Jerome Lewis Esq. a solicitor and investment consultant based in London, United Kingdom. I was attending a business luncheon in Berlin, Germany and I got introduced to the renowned German businessman and property mogul, Mr. Andreas Schranner(of the blessed memory). He engaged my services as attorney and investment consultant and my primary assignment was to spearhead his investment forays in the United Kingdom. Three months later I invited him to London and under my professional guidance and based on my advice he made a fixed deposit of 30,000,000,00EUR at with security companies in Germany and Netherlands. This deposit was for 12months and upon maturity I made effort to contact my client, I could not reach him or any member of his family. I was forced to travel to Germany and there I got the tragic news that on July 25TH, 2000, my client Mr. Andreas Schranner, his wife Maria, their daughter Erich and husband Christina and their two children perished in the Air France Concorde New York bound flight; please click here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
I have made effort to locate any member of his family with strong biological links to my late client without success. The search to find a close relation is one that has consumed time and resources. The institution is asking me to either present a next of kin to late Andreas Schranner or forfeit the deposit. My proposal is to you as next of kin to late Andreas Schranner and process the deposit and collect the deposits for our mutual benefit. My capacity as solicitor/investment consultant to my late client gives me the discretion to package and transfer the deposit to you. I will give you 30% for your effort, 60% for me and 10% for Charity and Tsunami Victims. It will amount to injustice if I do not take this decisive step to secure this deposit, and invest it The late Schranner was also a friend in addition to our business relationship. I will wait for your reaction and response and then together we can jump start this project and nurture it to reality. Please, make sure you respond through this my confidential email address: jeromelewiseq@openbg.com or jeromelewis@katamail.com Your swift response is anticipated.
Yours faithfully Jerome Lewis Esq.
The guy is an esquire! How can I not trust him?? Here's another helpful individual who came to me and me only for help.
Mr.Abgottspon EwaldBanque Jacob Safra(Schweiz)AGBleicherweg 1 / Paradeplatz8022 ZURICHSwitzerland.Email:aewald00@msn.com
Dear Sir,
I got your contact on my private search for a reliable and trusted person tohandle a transaction of this nature. I know thatthe contents of this mail might sound so strange, but I want to assure you thatevery word of it is true.I am Mr.Abgottspon Ewald, a credit officer with Banque Jacob Safra(Schweiz)AG.I have a concealed businesssuggestion for you.Before theplane crash of Mrs.Dimka Ilkova Boskovic on February 26, 2004 ,Dimka IlkovaBoskovic from the Ministry of ForeignAffairs,macedonia and also a business woman made a fixed deposit for 12 calendarmonths, with a value of Nine Million,eight Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch.You can visit this website:http://www.rferl.org/featuresarticle/2004/02/8c37dc80-40e3-4333-8d04-dad352108cb5.htmlThe board of directors of my bank adopted a resolution and as the accountingofficer to Mrs.Dimka Ilkova Boskovic I was mandated to provide her next of kin for the payment of this money within 14 working days orforfeit the money to the bank as an abandoned property. Further investigationsrevealed that Dimka Ilkova Boskovic did not declare any next of kin in herofficial papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And she alsoconfided in me the last time she was at my office that no one except me knew ofher deposit in my bank. So Nine Million,eight Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it.What bothers me most is that the directors of my bank hadplanned toinvoke the abandoned property decree of 1991 to confiscate the funds after theexpiration of the period given to me, despairing at the point of exhaustiveness but fortunately, I came across your name. My suggestion to youis that I will like you to stand as the next of kin toDimka Ilkova Boskovic so that you will be able to receive this funds.However, I seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin to the deceased.I have contacted an attorney that will prepare the necessarydocument that will back you up as the next of kin to Dimka Ilkova Boskovic. AllI require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this dealthrough. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangementthat will protect you from any breach of law. Be Inform also that weshall share the funds in the ratio 70% for me and 25% for you, while 5% shouldbe for Expenses or Tax as your Government may require. Pleaseendeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Iwill bring you into a more detailed picture of this transaction when I hear from you. Your earliest response to this letter will beappreciated via my private email address(aewald00@msn.com).
Kind Regards,Mr.Abgottspon Ewald.
Yes! I am a trusted and reliable person! And I'm not going to even bother checking that address he gave me at the start, because I know he's a trusted and reliable person too! His letter practically oozes with it!
