tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-160452552024-03-12T23:56:45.508-07:00Procrastination OpportunistJonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.comBlogger94125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-48809301260121758432013-01-17T15:11:00.002-08:002013-01-17T15:11:44.581-08:00No epiphany?I was walking across the street on Sunday with my little bro when I was hit by a car. <br />
<br />
No, nothing serious or exciting. Nothing interesting really, but it did make a pretty meaty sound as it hit my leg and elbow. The sound was most likely amplified tenfold for the poor driver (I once accidentally hit a skateboarder - it was the skateboarder's fault - and I nearly had a heart attack!) but I came out of it without a scratch. OK, the car was only going fast enough to have broken my legs, maybe a hip as well, but what surprised me was that there was no close escape feeling, no flash of light. I did not necessarily expect a Road to Damascus experience, but it would have been cool if I had felt a little more thankful. <br />
<br />
What a weird cocktail of emotion, being disappointed that I was not more thankful. Like ingredients that you never thought could go together. This led to me thinking about what I have achieved... Or the rather more impressive list, of what I *have not* achieved. <br />
<br />
And I ended up blogging some more. Nice.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-18613863350509892192012-12-27T15:03:00.000-08:002012-12-27T15:03:38.737-08:00PremonitionAs I sat on the couch thinking about how I hadn't blogged in more than a year (funny how that happens), it struck me how quickly one year goes by. So I looked back at some old posts. <br />
<br />
You know the way you think you're pretty clued up now, so you look back at your past self to see how much dumber you were back then - and you realise you were just as smart then...in fact you may even have lost your edge? It's not cool. Realisation has just assailed me. I posted about a year ago regarding my 'new' hobby of watching movies in fast forward as a great time saving measure. Unfortunately the historic blog post I happened to view today was 28 October 2006, and entitled 'On speed'. The subject material was exactly the same, and it had a cooler title. Ushj.<br />
<br />
The realisation goes on, but not quite in the same vein. Also on 28 October 2006 I posted a bunch of photos. Take a look at the bottom left photo, circa January 2005 with me underneath a metal alien in the centre of Woking. Talk about premonition! (Not of an alien attack on Earth...yet.) I now work less than 20 metres in the exact direction my right hand is very vaguely indicating! Wow, past Jon was pretty onto it, eh? OK, it's a bit of a stretch, but not an exaggeration. My desk is probably only about 15 metres from the statue, but through a wall of course. I would say that the area has not changed a bit, but that is not quite right; the building with the pillars now houses a great sandwich shop. Very chic and modern, not at all like 2005.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-12897626601655765012011-12-09T16:38:00.000-08:002011-12-09T16:58:31.678-08:00Sally Jessy, Rikki Lake, Jerry Springer, ... Penn and Teller??So I went to see Penn and Teller last night at the O2. It wasn't quite what I expected. The magic tricks they did were amazing, and they truly are the best magic duo in terms of the way they work together. They even had Paul Daniels make a special guest appearance. BUT... 90% of the show was talking! It felt like something was rather off: rather akin to going to see Gordon Ramsay swim a couple of lengths or booking a night out to watch Sting darn a sock. <br /><br />Penn is a great talker, sure, but there is a reason that he and Teller are magicians, not politicians. And anyway, people don't pay for an evening out at the O2 to go see politicians speak! <br /><br />I wasn't the only one in the theatre who felt ripped off - you should have seen my 10 year old cousin! P&T pulled off about 5 tricks; all with the usual "we don't care" schtick. One trick involved the typical cups and balls, carried off brilliantly, but the twist was that they then *repeated* the trick with transparent cups, so you could see exactly what they were doing. Strangely, this didn't ruin it, as they explained exactly what they were doing, albeit very quickly, throughout. This kinda made it cooler. Another trick consisted of fooling only one volunteer who had her eyes closed while rings were interlinked with her arms and round her neck, etc. Again, the audience could see how it was done, and could see that it must have been truly amazing for the volunteer. This was also pulled off very well. <br /><br />However, all of this was interspersed with Paul Daniels asking Penn and Teller relatively unexciting questions about their history and past TV appearances. You might say the show lost its magic halfway through, ho ho. Towards the end, they even opened up the floor to questions from the audience, which would have been cool, if not for the inane British knobs who got up and asked silly questions to appear clever. <br /><br />Paul Daniels did no tricks. He just sat there looking OLD.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-47511774350184609162011-12-04T14:40:00.000-08:002011-12-04T14:43:20.567-08:00Single? Go gothic!Originally I had planned to write about the strangely attractive "bad look" in girls. However, there are always the odd few that would find that kind of comment a little more significant than it actually is. Like Mum would, if she read this blog. <br /><br />Additionally, while dreads/tattoos/piercings have their own kind of appeal, that's where the appeal ends. Where the alternative look meets the alternative lifestyle, it all goes downhill. Plus there are relatively few of these kind of girls in my circles (unless you count my clients) and few among professionals in general. (I suppose there are also arguably very few well adjusted dreaded pierced tattooed girls that one would rush home to introduce to one's mother, in any event!)<br /><br />But down to the point - it is usually guaranteed that these types of girls are attached to hippie alternative boyfriends. It kinda makes me wonder if it is a chicken and egg scenario... Did they have the look before they hooked up, or was the look, um, "cultivated," for the purpose of hooking up? My brother told me a few years ago that he knew a rather plain jane who never got a whole lot of attention from guys. But then came her pseudo-gothic sem-hippie makeover, and she had a new guy every week! Well, I guess she lived happily ever after. I had a very similar story about an acquaintance of mine, but I didn't want to cause distaste by describing the made-over girl I knew as a plain jane!Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-87283483983197917392011-11-27T14:50:00.000-08:002011-11-27T15:16:39.908-08:00Revisiting my childhood - thank you Adult Swim!If you know me you know my dislike of all things Saturday-morning-cartoony. Cartoons these days suck. The animation sucks. The storylines suck. They don't seem to teach kids much aside from fart jokes and how to be even more ADHD. What happened to the good old days of cartoons of my youth, like He-Man, and Thundercats, and ...um... Rainbow Brite? <br /><br />But then I realised the extent of my hypocrisy. What about those cartoons one forgets about because they aren't for children? No, not some sort of Disney porn; I refer to the kind of humour parents don't want their children exposed to because it would mean having to field some awkward questions later. I mean, I recall even Animaniacs being vaguely borderline at times, and Adventure Time with Finn and Jake deals involves the odd surprisingly adult situation.<br /><br />But to get on with it, there is the Simpsons of course. An old favourite, and a little old hat. There is Futurama, still funny after all these years; they should stop cancelling it. However, the funniest of all has to be Archer. A cartoon mysogynistic alcoholic narcissistic spy, with something of an Oedipus complex. One of the oldest types of parodies in the book, and yet it's laugh out loud funny.<br /><br />Then there's The Venture Brothers. It could almost be a Saturday morning cartoon! It has the right formula: mad scientist, two adventurous sons, lots of supervillans.... many carnal references and a womanizing bodyguard. Perhaps it does go a little far.<br /><br />And Frisky Dingo. Who could forget that. It looks like they cooked each episode up in about haldf an hour, but they can be forgiven for that. Strangely enough, it's kind of a mixture of the above two cartoons put together, if that makes sense. Which it does not. You're just gonna have to take my ramblings at face value.<br /><br />Just remember, not all cartoons are for kids. I remember my mother saying words to that effect about 20 years ago when I wanted to watch the Simpsons! I guess I never really moved on?Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-4959881720994015352011-11-23T14:21:00.001-08:002011-11-23T14:36:49.781-08:00Flash ForwardNo one else has grasped the concept yet, and my colleagues don't quite understand my enthusiasm for it, but it is only a matter of time before it catches on. Just think of all the time you've wasted watching movies. All the suspenseful scenes that could have moved slightly quicker? All the cringe-worthy moments that you just wished were over?? Now they can be!<br /><br />With movies in fast forward, everything moves at your pace. Want to fit in a quick movie before you go to work? While you prepare dinner? In a commercial break? Well, you can. It's the super simple combination of subtitles and the fast forward function (best operated on an Xbox 360 or with VLC media player).<br /><br />I mean, does this really sound that outlandish? What if the movie you rent really sucks? Isn't it better to get it over with in half an hour than it is to waste the rental fee by not watching it? Or what about one of those must-see movies that everyone raves about but you just cannot be bothered with? I tell you, it's quick and painless. Double or even triple fast forward speed means less of your time is consumed, and it increases your speed reading skill to boot.<br /><br />I've noticed those looks of envy when I've walked into work and asked, "Well, I watched five movies last night; was your Tuesday evening as productive as mine?" <br /><br />Just think; the time you spend watching movies could be better spent... Watching more movies!Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-46071173017431909212011-11-22T14:33:00.000-08:002011-11-22T14:53:29.811-08:00One lyric to ruin them all...It's not a common phenomenon, so it just makes the sporadic instances more galling... I'm talking about that one line of a song that just ruins it for you. Whether it's out of place or out of sync, there is something about it that just grates. Like the 'sha la la la la' in Texas' "Put your arms around me".<br /><br />Maybe this sounds like the most random of gripes, but my pet peeve came roaring back to me while I was listening to the album "Encounter" by The Green Children. Soaring melodies, cute lyrics, sure, their song "Skies on fire" has the best of it all:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DQhSgcrYQU&feature=relmfu">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DQhSgcrYQU&feature=relmfu</a><br /><br />But just what is with the line "How it feels to get close to you.... like a rainbow (!?)" I mean, that's totally incongruous! It's not an imaginative simile, and it's not said ironically, so I suppose they're serious. Perhaps with a name like The Green Children they wish to set the bar low.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-90002543472945576562011-11-21T14:35:00.000-08:002011-11-21T14:43:26.272-08:00Abort...And the rest is history. Man, did the rest of that story get old fast.<br /><br />For something completely different, here's a list of things that were only cool once:<br /><br />1. Chatter rings<br />2. Napster<br />3. Tamagotchis<br />4. Pillow fights, vampire wars, and 'poking' on Facebook<br />5. Flash mobs<br />6. Pauly ShoreJonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-62976876643072382332010-07-27T01:45:00.000-07:002010-07-27T02:29:48.743-07:00Part DreiWith Heidelburg behind us, we pressed on to Frankfurt. It had begun to dawn on me that we would be pushed for time in returning the rental car. I started to entertain all sorts of visions of enormous financial penalties, which were not helped by us arriving at the airport and having to head back out again because we (I) had forgotten to fill the tank up. If you neglect to do so, Hertz informed us they would charge 3€ per litre! Filling it up at the service station was no problem - the problem began when I tried to start the car again and nothing happened. No combination of foot on the brake, foot on the clutch, foot halfway down on the clutch, foot on the brake and clutch, foot out the window, would start the car! Finally, before I gave up and resorted to asking someone for assistance, Mon asked to try, and wouldn't you know it, the car started. She maintains that she didn't know what she did - I suspect sabotage.<br /><br />Once the car was successfully returned we took a taxi to our hotel. However, the man at the hotel told us that he had a large group of Asian tourists staying with him, all of whom had been forced to stay a further night because of some flight issues, and our room was therefore unavailable. Of course, we saw straight through this; it was much better business for him to have a bunch of people staying another night than it was to have us stay one night only! He sent us to a hotel across the street where he had paid for a room for us. We set ourselves up in the unexpected hotel, and then walked down towards the river. We stopped at a bar on the way and enjoyed some apple wine, which appeared to be more of the flat cider persuasion than wine. Apparently the bar was sold out of pretty much everything else, since the FIFA quarterfinals had just occurred. This did not worry me too much, and so after finishing up (one large glass, no effects felt) we walked down to the waterfront and took pictures of the Frankfurt skyline, which, Mon reported, is supposed to be one of the best. On our way back we stopped at a dairy to get some water and Mon amused me, but not herself, by accidentally purchasing sparkling water, which she only discovered once we were back in the lobby of the hotel. While I can stomach the stuff, I do not know why Germans drink it by choice! Mon, however, was unable to take so much as a sip without feeling sick, and so I had to return to the shops to buy the right stuff.<br /><br />The sleeping arrangements were strange; while they claim twin share, the beds were actually pushed together, and did not appear to be movable. Thus Mon began a strange act of dragging her mattress onto the floor, claiming it would be a few degrees cooler down there. Because she went through this effort, it meant that I did not have to, so it was fine with me.<br /><br />After a roasting night, we returned to the first hotel for breakfast, which was very pleasant. Germans like their pastries, boiled eggs and nutella, and I like that they like this. Naturally, I tried to fool Mon again by bringing her sparkling water, but she could see the bubbles, dammit.<br /><br />Following breakfast, we took a trip to the Franfurt Zoo, which was, I have to say, more impressive than anything we have in New Zealand, but probably run of the mill to the locals. They of course had lions and tigers and bears, oh my, but also huge ape enclosures where Mon felt right at home. The best part was an island in the middle of a large pond in which two monkeys were playing tag. The island was planted out in trees and ropes had also been put up, which gave the monkeys a lot of freedom to move around, and at some speed.<br /><br />Finally the time had come to go, and we returned to the hotel to grab our stuff, check out, and catch the subway to the airport. We made it there with only minor incident when we were unsure of which train went to the airport, and the only fellow available to ask spoke no English. In my haste I fumbled and nearly forgot the word 'flughafen' for airport, but once he heard that he was able at least to point us in the right direction.<br /><br />We flew to Berlin on a one hour flight, where we enjoyed a four or five hour wait for our connecting flight to Helsinki. I was excited by the presence of a Burger King, but Mon was not so overjoyed, so we found a slightly more costly place called 'The Red Baron' where we had smoothies and lingered for a while. After we left, Mon then decided to my chagrin that she wanted the soup from that place. Females. We trundled back and shamefacedly booked another table for Mon to recommence her meal.<br /><br />Once that was all over, we walked to our gate and I was stoked to see that the security officer bore a real resemblance to Doogle. Also like Doogle, he kinda went to town on the rubdown, which I wasn't so stoked about. With my dignity impugned, we went to sit with the masses in a large noisy hall to wait for our flight to Helsinki.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-13559994750339331752010-07-22T17:00:00.000-07:002010-07-22T18:13:44.958-07:00Part 2I just realised the very real danger of forgetting entirely what happened on my trip - it is starting to get a little hazy already. Although that could simply be the hour that I have chosen to compose this entry.<br /><br />So anyway, the next morning I woke up in France and immediately felt like waking up in France should have been more of a compelling experience. However, the sleep wasn't real, being of the Zoplicone-induced variety, and I was still thoroughly jet lagged, so perhaps I expected too much too soon. I don't know if Mon felt any more special than I did, but I suspect not (unless of course feeling special also makes her grumpy - but two days in to our travels, this behaviour was already water off a duck's back to me). We went downstairs and bought pastries for breakfast at a nice little bakery with nice big prices. We walked around a little more and ate our breakfast by the river, but decided we did not need to stick around too much longer, as we had a bit of ground to cover and we did not want to have to start paying for the park we were in. <br /><br />We packed up our stuff and set the GPS to take us to some random town in the middle of the Black Forest, partly because we wanted to go back a different way, partly because the Black Forest was bound to be full of novel inhabitants such as goblins and witches. The roads got very narrow, and we ended up entering the Black Forest via a town that essentially doubled as a pass. The road got steeper and narrower, and unfortunately I had to drive more slowly (down to 90km/h or so) because there was the danger of running into another car, driven by an unforgiving German driver, coming down the hill. When we finally reached the top of the hill, we stopped to get out at a lookout, where I tried in vain to take some photos with the necessary human interest in the foreground, while Mon took shots of scenery. You may think to call it 'necessary' is rather picky, but in fact I have good reason for doing so: a few years ago I went to my grandparents' place while on holiday. While there, they invited their friend around, who brought a whole bunch of slides with him. Although a little old fashioned, I had no problem with this, until I realised none, but none, of the slides contained so much as a human life form. And there were a <strong>lot </strong>of slides. Each new slide containing another view, or another building, or another rose bush, seemed to protract the whole affair by 10 minutes a pop. Perhaps I simply had no patience, but it certainly ingrained a desire within me never to subject anyone else to that while showing them my holiday snaps. Mon and I also found that the amazing view did not translate to digital imagery so well (and at least a person or two in the foreground then gives a reason for the picture).<br /><br />Farther along the road we came to what appeared to be a walkway to another lookout. The German signboard was singularly unhelpful in everything but its diagram of the loop track. With little effort we made it to the lookout, a structure atop some counter-intuitive steps. I managed to fool a couple of dog owners into believing I was German, which turned out to be a shame, as I never did figure out what was wrong with their dog, other than the fact that its hindquarter was involved. The dog was quite amusing - it was completely distrustful of the steps and shuffled along very slowly. More than once its paw went through a crack, causing the dog to lie flat for a while, not quite knowing what to do. We moved on after exploring a little more of the exceedingly unconventional boardwalk, which appeared to serve no purpose other than looking like it was built by Dr Seuss. At this stage, Mon developed a headache and dehydration, which upon reflection may have been a ploy to get me back to the car because she was unfortunately not wearing sensible shows.<br /><br />The next stop for us was another random little town on the outskirts of the Black Forest. We walked around briefly, and then set the GPS for Baden-Baden. When we arrived, we parked up and I decided to wow my audience by ordering a pastry in German. All went well until I did not hear her question and so responded with 'wie bitte?' She repeated her own question in perfect English. Hmph. I did get another chance when I ordered my own lunch, however, as the burger stand lady did not understand any English (one of the few on the whole trip) and I was not prepared to compromise by having tomato on my burger.<br /><br />We drove to Heidelburg next, and completely failed to see the famed Heidelburg castle. It was evidently hiding in the trees somewhere; we found the railcar which went to it, and thought we could dodge the fare by simply driving up, but this took us much too far up, and we couldn't look down on it from on high either. So I contented myself with marvelling at the radio tower. On the way out of town the GPS led us on a merry dance, as the only exit appeared to be blocked by roadworks, and no amount of driving 'in the general direction' would persuade the GPS lady to change her mind. Finally, only by giving in to her, we escaped the Blair Witch situation.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-13944194335226085682010-07-18T14:43:00.000-07:002010-07-18T15:34:05.386-07:00Intrepid travellersOK, this is cheating, as I am writing this entry well after the events took place. At least I now know the ending was happy (by which I mean no death).<br /><br />I started my trip on the morning of Friday 2 July 2010 with a trip in to work. It wasn't supposed to happen that way, but work has a habit of filling the amount of available time in which to do it.<br /><br />After the initial rush and stress, and once everything was under control, leaving was rather sad. Naturally because I was leaving work and colleagues behind, but also because I had briefed the new staff member, David Sim, that morning, who was so relaxed and capable that it felt a real shame to be missing out on working with him presently. <br /><br />Goodbyes had sort of already been said, as I had had a leaving party the previous evening and drinks in the mid-morning of that same day. At those drinks I was presented by my colleagues with gifts for travel, including, I was later to find, a plug for converting all sorts of foreign plugs to New Zealand power sources, very useful if I had toured the world already, bringing home all sorts of weird and wonderful appliances, but less useful for my purposes. However, goodbyes were no less difficult. Mix was very helpful - I had still not packed properly and so I totally scammed him into helping me move my stuff into storage. <br /><br />When I finally left work at 1pm or so, I was stoked to pass Mike Crowl on the street. The man had been trying to avoid my goodbyes (completely accidentally, I realised) but he could not escape the spectacle I created by hooting and parking very quickly and unevenly on yellow lines, to rush over and hug him.<br /><br />I arrived in Christchurch at 5.10pm or thereabouts, almost in time to pick up Mike, Mon's dad, from the airport, but not quite. So I went around to Dom's and found him sitting around playing basketball on the PS3 with his flatmates. I was immediately subjected to a losing cause as I joined Dom's team (I'm sure the controls were malfunctioning; at least, that's what Dom said) and we only lost by 40 points or so.<br /><br />We then went to the Johnsons' for tea and were joined by the smack man as well, before the lure of the football at 2am (!) called him away. Mon was keen on the same thing, so Dom and I ended up dropping in on Mike Murray, and of course, going to Mackers. What use does sleep serve before a long trip? Four and a half hours' sleep does the job.<br /><br />The first real travel obstacle took very little time in raising its somewhat ugly head; my luggage was quite overweight. Even when shared with Mon, we were 6 kg over the 46kg weight limit. With the distance we were going on the first leg to Frankfurt, I was going to have to fork out $48 per kg. However, all was not lost, as we were served by a redhead and I was able to turn on the charm that comes so easily to me with that species. Either that, or she could not be bothered with the paperwork, so she first offered only $20 per kg and an opportunity to repack, and finally she ignored all of the overweight baggage completely. Problem solved.<br /><br />One ushj goodbye to Roz and Dom later, we were flying to Sydney. I realised to my dismay in the Sydney airport that Mon was a keen shopper, something that she had hidden from my ignorant self for years. Granted, we did have Mackers for breakfast, something in my favour, so in my satiated state, I had no problem with Mon wandering the shops. <br /><br />Finally we were off to Frankfurt, with only one stop (a refuel in Singapore) on the way. The movies were unfortunately rather average; I had to turn off "Edge of Darkness" simply because the max volume of the headsets was not loud enough to convey the mumbly plot developments accurately. I did enjoy "How to Train Your Dragon" however, and "Ghost Writer" with Pierce Brosnan and Ewan McGregor felt like a solid movie, appropriate for a plane at least. Then I had to pretend I didn't know Mon, as she cried over some movie in which nothing sad happened. I think the other passengers were sympathetic to my situation - the male ones at least.<br /><br />The lights were turned off in the plane from Singapore to Frankfurt for far too long (10 out of the 13 hours, I swear) probably because the stewardesses wanted to do less. Clearly it worked for the girl beside me (not Mon) who was either sleeping or faking it pretty well, for 12 hours.<br /><br />Once we landed, the car hire actually went without a hitch. The concern was of course, that my driving would expose any number of "hitches". However these concerns proved baseless, as it did not take too many scrapes, dings, and injured pedestrians for me to get the hang of driving on the other side of the road. We set the GPS to avoid all toll roads, and set off for Strasbourg. This worked very well, although we should have made a map of where we went. To illustrate how necessary this was, we stopped for breakfast on an unknown street of an unknown town in an unknown district of an unknown country. I am almost not joking about the last one: it was probably Germany, but it may have been France. The travel was enhanced by the fact I could simply plug my ipod straight in to the car, which played it without fuss. Air conditioning also helped.<br /><br />We arrived in Strasbourg and parked the car in very fortunate Sunday free parking circumstances, and walked around the old town. I sniffed out a Mackers, where we had lunch (Mon was able to take charge of the ordering, this time). We both started flagging, so we headed back to the hotel, where we crashed almost immediately (crashing in the falling asleep sense). We did manage to rouse from slumber in the early evening to head in to the old town for dinner (not Mackers, despite my pleas; we went to a pizza/pasta place instead). The heat was not conducive to having drinks, so we got water only on the way back to the hotel. We walked around a little after dark, but the time without sleep was taking its toll, so we decided to turn in at some unreasonably reasonable hour.<br /><br />That's chapter one, and less than 1/5 of the trip. How will my two readers contain their excitement and anticipation while waiting for the rest??Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-22966487322067544092010-05-10T22:23:00.000-07:002010-05-10T22:30:03.668-07:00Damn my eyesI was mortified at myself today - and let me tell you; that does not happen often. Have I become a more conscientious human being? <br /><br />I was walking along in the supermarket at lunchtime when I saw a man standing behind the help counter with his eyes rolling back in his head and his eyelids flickering, like someone might do when feeling blissful, or tasting something stupendously delicious. Kinda like Dom does when he eats macaroni cheese with tomato sauce. Anyway, I was busy snickering to myself and laughing at my own observation (that the fella obviously found just being in a supermarket intensely pleasurable) ... When I noticed the seeing-eye dog by his side...<br /><br />And I promise, I hardly ever laugh at my own jokes either. Strike two.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-64368334004296128982010-04-18T01:15:00.001-07:002010-04-18T01:20:11.941-07:00Regard the best; ditch the rest...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSAnV9r7_5h_HNwvy_x2j5a5kITtJrN0sAI9qlZykqe85SHINGPuNOL0pxZp-KI00-fvNBD-BPRVQFLtchMARZZZIdCQFjr6TAtCddRFeAtLDoyezLcCHmKK1oIgEh2nIm-Qhk/s1600/cheeseburgers.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSAnV9r7_5h_HNwvy_x2j5a5kITtJrN0sAI9qlZykqe85SHINGPuNOL0pxZp-KI00-fvNBD-BPRVQFLtchMARZZZIdCQFjr6TAtCddRFeAtLDoyezLcCHmKK1oIgEh2nIm-Qhk/s400/cheeseburgers.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461389065098451202" border="0" /></a><br />Sure, the first 'cheezburger' schtick was kinda funny, with that grey cat asking for a cheezburger (surprisingly convincingly too...) but this one is the funniest, hands down. Awwwwwww......Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-26310617197071500642010-04-13T22:49:00.000-07:002010-04-13T22:56:47.406-07:00OEDear Kitty<br /><br />I plan to go on my big OE soon, and I shall have a wondrous time! I shall stop in for a wedding in Finland before heading to the fatherland for Devonshire teas with Earl Grey and whatever other outlandishly exciting things they eat over there! It shall be quite the undertaking, but I am just thrilled! I believe 2 July is my last day at work, and I shall be glad of the break - which is exactly the thought I was relishing as a certain grumpy Judge told me off quite unnecessarily!<br /><br />With much love from Jon<br /><br />(The above should be read aloud in an overly Enid Blyton way, preferably in the middle of a picnic with scones and lashings of ginger beer)Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-54055348413288428572010-04-10T05:00:00.000-07:002010-04-10T05:20:04.322-07:00You won't believe it...But good things do come from Australia. And I'm not talking about my Aussie cousins. Love you guys, and technically you're from South Africa anyway. No, I'm talking about the new prog rock movement from Perth. Three great bands have emerged and there are some lesser try hard ones too, but this post isn't about those poor losers. <br /><br />And in case you're sceptical following my previous post, this post isn't about some album or song of which I have only listened to the demo. Rather, it is about three bands which can do no wrong.<br /><br />1. The Butterfly Effect. If given a fair go (ie more than one listen) I can't imagine anyone actually disliking these guys. Their music is melodic and unrepetitive, their lyrics are great and the singing is awesome. Their two recent albums ("Imago" and "Final Conversation of Kings") are especially well constructed, in that one does not feel tempted to skip any songs to "get to the good ones". They're all good. Alas, while they are big in Aussie, you are unlikely to find them on the shelves in NZ, so "borrow them from a friend" today!<br /><br />2. Karnivool. I have to credit my bro Mix for getting me on to these guys. Just like the above band, these chaps have the ability to make incredibly good music and albums you can listen to all the way through, time and again. The lead singer is especially talented, and also performs in the band "Birds of Tokyo" which is more pop-focused.<br /><br />3. Dead Letter Circus. I hesitate to say the third best, but really, they are. Mind you, they are still awesome. The only issue is that they have not released any real album to speak of, only two EPs. And these EPs are even harder to obtain than the Butterfly Effect albums. So listen to them on Youtube if torrents prick your conscience. I don't even know if they're on Itunes, but they sure should be.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-39346900342488011892010-04-08T03:43:00.000-07:002010-04-08T04:09:13.687-07:00This must be the longest hiatus... But the book review was well worth the wait!In fact, I think if I wait only one more year my blog will self destruct from lack of usage. It happened to that impostor who used to occupy www.jon.beck.blogspot.com. Possibly the strangest blog I have ever seen and now lost to the world - since about mid-08.<br /><br />So anyway, it just struck me that it has been too long. You think it woulda struck earlier. So I'm gonna return with something totally unoriginal like a book review. Eat your heart out, Mike Crowl.<br /><br />And the book of the week is "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown. The excited reviews which called other Dan Brown books <span style="font-style: italic;">"Unputdownable"</span> and<span style="font-style: italic;"> "...with a unusually high IQ"</span> gave me a pretty good idea of the calibre of the readers. Naturally someone who describes a book in that way is going to feel a tad threatened by the IQ of an inanimate object. I myself was unfazed by Mr Brown's split infinitives and his utter failure at the plu-perfect tense and the definitive descriptive. I ploughed ahead regardless and was pleasantly surprised by the suspense and intrigue which can be woven into a day or so in the life of an academic who now looks in my mind unsettlingly like Tom Hanks. Of course no-one would believe that that much thought was really put in to Washington DC by its founding fathers, or that a symbologist would be a useful human being, but that's what makes great fiction.<br /><br />Then I finished reading the dust jacket (and a good job too, because that was about all I could handle) and moved on to greener pastures.<br /><br />Next time I will review a movie I saw the preview of. And at the rate I've been churning out posts - look for it in 2013!Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-89958212525218082852008-04-28T01:25:00.001-07:002008-04-28T02:02:06.647-07:00The female ministry of silly walks<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtgPPZb0RR1RFmHBI0Qg5UBf8cM1U2KcbUdRRq3YwM86nNtU1ruUasBn6A656Ri9a_aHTt_FrtJYfLnKZBMCF2ddwk5Zmc2UNnMUVP8zjPFbUfvMCYZ2ZQSj3FTcYSLCZjLQfW/s1600-h/Domsies.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5194218763239568370" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtgPPZb0RR1RFmHBI0Qg5UBf8cM1U2KcbUdRRq3YwM86nNtU1ruUasBn6A656Ri9a_aHTt_FrtJYfLnKZBMCF2ddwk5Zmc2UNnMUVP8zjPFbUfvMCYZ2ZQSj3FTcYSLCZjLQfW/s400/Domsies.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>It's been a while since I did any sort of a character study of idiosyncracies, but here's one that I don't know if <em>anyone</em> has recorded before. And it's exclusive to the female gender:</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><em>Females do silly walks.</em></div><br /><div><em></em></div><br /><div>It's true. You've probably never noticed it. It doesn't happen too often, but picture this. You are walking toward a female, and there aren't too many people around. You realise you know her, and she recognises you. She smiles and right then: she does a silly walk. And there it is. Whether it is an icebreaker or a subconscious method of drawing your attention, the silly walker won't know the reason. She'll just do it.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>It's not the same for guys. They'll give a big grin, make some expansive gesture, act like a show pony or point and shoot with their fingers. All well documented and accepted. Yet the female equivalent is to do an unassuming silly walk. It generally involves slowing the steps down and exaggerating movement such as the swing of the arms or the drop of the shoulders.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Case study one:</div><br /><div>A lecture, ca 2003. A girl walks into a lecture and sees a group of her friends coming in from the other side of the lecture hall. She walks over to them (in a silly fashion) as they approach her.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Case study two:</div><br /><div>The movies, ca 2004. I am sitting in the movie foyer with Dom when my girlfriend at the time walks in the door. She sees me, walks over, and as I look up she executes a particularly silly walk. With a silly expression on her face. (She does a silly walk and now she's my ex. Go figure. Muhaha.)</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Case study three:</div><br /><div>I am returning to the office from a settlement when I notice a (male) legal executive from another law office walking toward me from some distance away. There is a female walking in front of me. I barely notice her to begin with, but then she embarks on a <em>ridiculously </em>silly walk toward the legal exec, hunching over to one side and swinging one arm. The exec is deaf, and has an unusual gait, so I wonder if she is making fun of his disability! But no, she is a friend of his, and knows sign language. They have a fingersation as I walk past.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Case study three:</div><br /><div>The office, today. This is what jogged my memory. I walk down the hallway and pass Chanel. Normally I'm in a huge hurry, but I walked past and smiled. So did she... And she topped it all off with... You guessed it.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>If you've ever noticed this type of behaviour, then can you disprove the above? The theory is flawless so far...</div>Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-68590056914205672882008-04-24T00:11:00.000-07:002008-04-24T00:32:40.078-07:00Sexy new hardware...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNya1dZIjPQ-50x2DnQYnd-fht2X7JPgYxMEFZ3DL-rvm3DzlUf_OVI35C_GlHyGDRKb98NsFFO8x-YXdYR-W3d_1CdfmBMd1VQG4HkZYwfqXafcPckQcG_n2AOki-j3to5qq7/s1600-h/2.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192710969734784562" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNya1dZIjPQ-50x2DnQYnd-fht2X7JPgYxMEFZ3DL-rvm3DzlUf_OVI35C_GlHyGDRKb98NsFFO8x-YXdYR-W3d_1CdfmBMd1VQG4HkZYwfqXafcPckQcG_n2AOki-j3to5qq7/s400/2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Less than 12 hours after shedding a few tears upon burying "my Ding-A-Ling", I sold out to a hot new model. She's slim, smooth and sexy. And here's how she sees me...</div>Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-88333645496508802752008-04-22T23:35:00.000-07:002008-04-23T00:09:47.148-07:00After some prompting...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD0pbJ0D8sjJrGydoHbGp42aOAwkgxUhzNYleB9oXRmoCQ6l4KuHjlbumTvaZhKrsU4AqeK264ouVN2J0MzDBk_JvYuQbxfOi6x7A7gGGC6cVadVsv-H_NNqq2RsqUEQmR18f2/s1600-h/Wetlands.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192334339757630946" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD0pbJ0D8sjJrGydoHbGp42aOAwkgxUhzNYleB9oXRmoCQ6l4KuHjlbumTvaZhKrsU4AqeK264ouVN2J0MzDBk_JvYuQbxfOi6x7A7gGGC6cVadVsv-H_NNqq2RsqUEQmR18f2/s400/Wetlands.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFGQhu-EhPrwYVtvqpjuFw-dzEJOaDmWzMuFAI2BZYMDJ-R5GsgRVxNflyD8TPM5C0KlquglPPnbhpdUs_S2Gjqfc77Tw46kerW1K-b4BpbilVYPaWE_OLDXQDlDq-B0pYrewU/s1600-h/Kidnapped.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192334348347565554" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFGQhu-EhPrwYVtvqpjuFw-dzEJOaDmWzMuFAI2BZYMDJ-R5GsgRVxNflyD8TPM5C0KlquglPPnbhpdUs_S2Gjqfc77Tw46kerW1K-b4BpbilVYPaWE_OLDXQDlDq-B0pYrewU/s400/Kidnapped.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjesXcb3ch9H5Oq630apP62tgEZK4cTY_Hxhr-mpVgQ_IjcdbyUDCT7yV0UmzEdVdTjwC_pTVw2Z8lP0VupCxJ9QFcQYS_8-JEl6qS0mkANRy2e7LtsLTv889Kru6WAmE7fHBEs/s1600-h/Dryad.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192334356937500162" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjesXcb3ch9H5Oq630apP62tgEZK4cTY_Hxhr-mpVgQ_IjcdbyUDCT7yV0UmzEdVdTjwC_pTVw2Z8lP0VupCxJ9QFcQYS_8-JEl6qS0mkANRy2e7LtsLTv889Kru6WAmE7fHBEs/s400/Dryad.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoVPIitddeX7a-KCf9yyxa5egJSh6YwVnM7yCLWrB3RjEQ9-lnVrYDx-jxie9nK8XWrJlPzRdcte3IknCxRUr6FiHYy-wagTszlAbpc3nXPszTabMFhomQkGDf2aYlMCDGpP4I/s1600-h/Caves.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192334365527434770" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoVPIitddeX7a-KCf9yyxa5egJSh6YwVnM7yCLWrB3RjEQ9-lnVrYDx-jxie9nK8XWrJlPzRdcte3IknCxRUr6FiHYy-wagTszlAbpc3nXPszTabMFhomQkGDf2aYlMCDGpP4I/s400/Caves.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXnmOQRwsp9QrASt3d-Qc45odAM2WvgILBfNpJqwrcDEvGn-9jFlTSv5H1LWiDmEAOQYgNXBgFpg3lNvPN3PaFAhSyWEycG7pt3QFJ2TvrZD4zhlWu9AnhBY5bv9eWbxExhYwZ/s1600-h/Finito.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192334369822402082" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXnmOQRwsp9QrASt3d-Qc45odAM2WvgILBfNpJqwrcDEvGn-9jFlTSv5H1LWiDmEAOQYgNXBgFpg3lNvPN3PaFAhSyWEycG7pt3QFJ2TvrZD4zhlWu9AnhBY5bv9eWbxExhYwZ/s400/Finito.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Something finally happened in my life! No, I'm not that sad; I just found a moment in which to write something down - assisted by those who know who they are (and I do actually thank you for that.) Also thanks to Liz for the inspiration - she hits NZ soil and she's a blogging machine! So Dom and I took a trip with Liz and Sarah. I took a random Tuesday off (while the office went to pot, I later learned) and took a trip down to the Catlins. So the story kinda goes: </div><br /><div>1. We arrived in the wetlands with the girls demanding bathroom breaks every second second of the way. The name 'the wetlands' was just asking for trouble anyway. </div><br /><div>2. Laughter turned to fear as the girls found out the guys were so tired of their demands they were prepared to kill to restore the silence...</div><br /><div>3. We reached the Catlins and were welcomed by a seductive tree dryad who soon realised she was kinda stuck.</div><br /><div>4. The Cathedral Caves were not as quite as accessible as I had been led to believe. Stupid indecipherable tide diagram in the ODT. It didn't stop a half-assed attempt by Dom, though!</div><br /><div>5. At the conclusion, festivity was had by all... Except for me?</div>Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-68745392931143980712007-10-03T11:29:00.000-07:002007-10-03T11:33:27.291-07:00What have I done?I joined Facebook. And no matter what they say about online communities like that one, and the sharing of information that goes on therein, such sites are for amusing oneself far more than staying in touch.<br /><br />I mean, what ridiculous functions! Pictures you can draw? Quasi-roleplaying simulation? Quizzes you can take only once every twenty-four hours?<br /><br />What hath God wrought?Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-66627527622204607392007-08-13T13:03:00.000-07:002007-08-13T13:25:05.084-07:00Drawing the lineSo what is it with people who believe a squiggle of pen on paper is just a squiggle, but if the it ends with a line crossed back through the body of the squiggle, then suddenly it's a signature? Did these people attend signature school? One would have thought that one's signature/seal/John Hancock/whatever you like to call it is supposed to be an personal inimitable mark, but these squigglers and crossers are ending up with signatures just like every other man and his dog.<br /><br />It's drawing the line - just like the use of the F-Bomb in movies. An M-rated movie is allowed one, but an R16 could potentially not need to use any other word (although no-one needs to prove this for the sake of the argument; such a repetitive script wouldn't make for very exciting watching). This is all based on the perfectly reasonable assumption that kids will all miss the first utterance of it, or perhaps they won't know what it means and will immediately ask their parents. Movie censors have drawn the line early because either way, the second swearword will affect kids deeply the second time around.<br /><br />Wow - two totally unrelated topics, a tenuous and clumsy segue to link them, and we have a post. Neither subject alone was worthy of a post, so I spent the better part of 30 seconds working on bringing them together. And then I wondered when I was done - "Was that worth it?"Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-85061186866954236802007-07-30T12:36:00.000-07:002007-07-30T12:56:44.364-07:00Legal levitySince the USA has more lawyers than the rest of the world put together, there is what you might call a broad spectrum of competence. The following are all taken from American Court transcripts. There's no tomfoolery in MY Courtroom... Except for the first example, of course.<br /><br />(In the Family Court with a female Judge, three female lawyers, one female specialist, one female witness, a female respondent and Jon)<br />JUDGE: ...and in the afternoon we'll allow one break for recess and one for ladies' breaks.<br />JON: Thank you, your Honour.<br /><br />And that's about as light as it gets in there! The real stuff is below.<br /><br />ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?<br />WITNESS: No, I just lie there.<br />_______________________________<br />ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?<br />WITNESS: July 18th.<br />ATTORNEY: What year?<br />WITNESS: Every year.<br />_____________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?<br />WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.<br />______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: This myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?<br />WITNESS: Yes.<br />ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?<br />WITNESS: I forget.<br />ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?_____________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?<br />WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.<br />ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?<br />WITNESS: Forty-five years.<br />_____________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?<br />WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"<br />ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?<br />WITNESS: My name is Susan.<br />______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?<br />WITNESS: We both do.<br />ATTORNEY: Voodoo?<br />WITNESS: We do.<br />ATTORNEY: You do?<br />WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.<br />______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?<br />WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?<br />WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.<br />________________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?<br />WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?<br />WITNESS: Yes.<br />ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?<br />WITNESS: Uh.<br />______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?<br />WITNESS: Yes.<br />ATTORNEY: How many were boys?<br />WITNESS: None.<br />ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?<br />______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?<br />WITNESS: By death.<br />ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?<br />WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.<br />ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?<br />WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.<br />______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.<br />______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What School did you go to?<br />WITNESS: Oral.<br />______________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?<br />WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.<br />ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?<br />WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!____________________________________________<br />ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?<br />WITNESS: Huh?<br />____________________________________________<br />And the best for last<br /><br />ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.<br />ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?<br />WITNESS: No.<br />ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?<br />WITNESS: No.<br />ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.<br />ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?<br />WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.<br />ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?<br />WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-45644760518186046662007-07-24T02:29:00.000-07:002007-07-24T02:53:44.201-07:00Would you be so into me...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHImCvnfdl1CGUVl72Fi7Eob9KENvvmzKiMhxynCp5SnqLSqWylt9bNPb81A6eQu1GHJHUW1Y8y4_SOydAf1QgDmATiq91WvJiFMaHTHA2pu46ZCuocodijdmCjKzg1-_svMf/s1600-h/DSCF0782.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5090695019111478178" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHImCvnfdl1CGUVl72Fi7Eob9KENvvmzKiMhxynCp5SnqLSqWylt9bNPb81A6eQu1GHJHUW1Y8y4_SOydAf1QgDmATiq91WvJiFMaHTHA2pu46ZCuocodijdmCjKzg1-_svMf/s400/DSCF0782.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>...if I wasn't a celebrity? The words of the immortal band NSYNC of course, but it's the way everyone's measuring themselves up nowadays. Today I walked into the office of Alistair Paterson, one of the better known lawyers round town, to find him on the 'MyHeritage' site conducting a Celebrity Morph. I realised I was into the spirit of things already when I noticed the guy who walked out when I entered looked suspiciously like Malcolm McDowell. Alistair got a match with Bruce Willis, Jeremy Northam and Robert De Niro, so I was keen to get home and try it out myself. </div><div> </div><div>Perhaps I shouldn't have been quite so keen - my photos are mostly all smiles, which tends to result in the matches turning up girls. Yeah right, I hope I'm not thaaat attractive. After a couple of false starts, a few females, Pat Benetar and Missi Pyle (many times), Charles Bronson and Meatloaf I finally turned up Mark Wahlberg. </div><div> </div><div>The photo above is one of the better ones, ie. it turns up slightly more manly men like Colin Firth, William H. Macy, Jeff Bridges, Brendan Fraser, Joshua Jackson and Cameron Diaz. OK, maybe Cameron is only a man's name but she blows the others (Sean Hayes and Ashton Kutcher) right out of the water in terms of manliness!</div>Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-85414690706256179302007-07-19T04:12:00.001-07:002007-07-19T04:35:38.843-07:00Home truths - which also work in China!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA-HOnlbIJr0ew7NTYIkpWpwLuXST1jVkLDpQAfje9VL11Gy5RFY27DfT2gEB-MJbL9tdzlkE4g2oankhEYUi7tp0nrR5M6pecOpzPoXaDMR4AjqaADNQzlRzkf7YLBXaXPL7b/s1600-h/DSCF3841+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865569766578626" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA-HOnlbIJr0ew7NTYIkpWpwLuXST1jVkLDpQAfje9VL11Gy5RFY27DfT2gEB-MJbL9tdzlkE4g2oankhEYUi7tp0nrR5M6pecOpzPoXaDMR4AjqaADNQzlRzkf7YLBXaXPL7b/s400/DSCF3841+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Of all the interesting food experiences, chunks of pineapple with tomato in between was easily the grossest.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLDV7oG1v0X7Dp_c4OM7LHfkeu0zbi9hIuOv0Tb_mGKfY1nlKd_wlPh2Cd89uu3_r_pkcUMskFg3h1HcC7_LqYicNfMGpYuIhImqGbjBFJrXqpRzpYDFdW5JkH0Efdk_LxVJ98/s1600-h/DSCF3782+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865415147755890" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLDV7oG1v0X7Dp_c4OM7LHfkeu0zbi9hIuOv0Tb_mGKfY1nlKd_wlPh2Cd89uu3_r_pkcUMskFg3h1HcC7_LqYicNfMGpYuIhImqGbjBFJrXqpRzpYDFdW5JkH0Efdk_LxVJ98/s400/DSCF3782+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />I like Chinese. It's as true now as it was then; never mind the shocked bystanders.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_nY0ZI7BrzhkP9joPZ13O1EnH4RJb6Rpys-DQlnJrfap1VXYQBCuaJll6z-uGxHSSkOU9GkxicqL1jnd2CNTdsps9IFX4bvk4KXV6j4q51lZEDHo5MhUqyApsiW_uunj8hKWE/s1600-h/DSCF3784+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865415147755906" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_nY0ZI7BrzhkP9joPZ13O1EnH4RJb6Rpys-DQlnJrfap1VXYQBCuaJll6z-uGxHSSkOU9GkxicqL1jnd2CNTdsps9IFX4bvk4KXV6j4q51lZEDHo5MhUqyApsiW_uunj8hKWE/s400/DSCF3784+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Haggling doesn't leave a whole lot of room for flirting, but it can still be achieved.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPSktNxfhXPNdD9gLIwpMvGh0t-eF261C5SpXZhvjO9v2woNotaYqhO_Mf4RuEePrfuWnlr70QgkfkeJ7asWazo4EIS24IjNOVq3XKr5TJunDUnTOpg_WEdcTxOfge_qHhzi4/s1600-h/DSCF3800+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865419442723218" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPSktNxfhXPNdD9gLIwpMvGh0t-eF261C5SpXZhvjO9v2woNotaYqhO_Mf4RuEePrfuWnlr70QgkfkeJ7asWazo4EIS24IjNOVq3XKr5TJunDUnTOpg_WEdcTxOfge_qHhzi4/s400/DSCF3800+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />The most intense concentration the Beijing Zoo gets is people trying to work out if the pandas are actually alive. The rest concentrate on their iceblocks.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzdis8CnpUmmlkkg5KrZkW2qfBGDb2LFVtXOS9qP6JClytiVmC4DH-McOwJH65z-R3pR03zGdmIhK0BmVuDRruSVu0SvSR5EsIgSlHsnIYk9QzUNg1fznFe7MtqOEiSMqSHsJu/s1600-h/DSCF3813+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865423737690530" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzdis8CnpUmmlkkg5KrZkW2qfBGDb2LFVtXOS9qP6JClytiVmC4DH-McOwJH65z-R3pR03zGdmIhK0BmVuDRruSVu0SvSR5EsIgSlHsnIYk9QzUNg1fznFe7MtqOEiSMqSHsJu/s400/DSCF3813+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />When a group visits the island at the Summer Palace, at least one group member returns with the secret squirrel demeanour of having embraced the universe.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQS2_WdU9IZgUQDilk7X18ki28-gEwxR36eZ8l1-lOQPAg7rP2DITryA3WRBp48ZTroscFxTpSD8SQbnLX0ZGJO0m59oYg-ojqROGau1wduNAGnlwhIjBQt32xRvz6LgY5WEu3/s1600-h/DSCF3825+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865423737690546" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQS2_WdU9IZgUQDilk7X18ki28-gEwxR36eZ8l1-lOQPAg7rP2DITryA3WRBp48ZTroscFxTpSD8SQbnLX0ZGJO0m59oYg-ojqROGau1wduNAGnlwhIjBQt32xRvz6LgY5WEu3/s400/DSCF3825+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />The losers aren't necessarily the ones who stick with peach flavour and don't try new things - they may be the ones who eat mung bean ice blocks.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQzhj3EULIJ-64-S_JQc2-ZxeWwHHprxdjsFLg-y1oWe89PzVtMhrG326IXMuHrQen__D_0U87wqz2y80o78AYKmWSOsw4428I-DigH955zoygcb9wtwAX0QGMzdrv_uN6jCPz/s1600-h/DSCF3703+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865054370502946" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQzhj3EULIJ-64-S_JQc2-ZxeWwHHprxdjsFLg-y1oWe89PzVtMhrG326IXMuHrQen__D_0U87wqz2y80o78AYKmWSOsw4428I-DigH955zoygcb9wtwAX0QGMzdrv_uN6jCPz/s400/DSCF3703+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />It's easy to get caught up in the moment and suddenly find you've been swept away in the hype.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLCwhVA5PzK5MRdKPt2F_InnoBySLrx-ad3RVbP4k_QIug2Ta0E9_ta_CL_rnCmZDmjKOk5lgvjNVPqAoI_oWWz1f7kP8xflOEsKk0Dvor2_UsHHoiVhy5UliYEUuo0Bl3uTu8/s1600-h/DSCF3731+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865054370502962" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLCwhVA5PzK5MRdKPt2F_InnoBySLrx-ad3RVbP4k_QIug2Ta0E9_ta_CL_rnCmZDmjKOk5lgvjNVPqAoI_oWWz1f7kP8xflOEsKk0Dvor2_UsHHoiVhy5UliYEUuo0Bl3uTu8/s400/DSCF3731+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />The Great Wall is covered in the Chinese Fencing Act 1521.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaUA7Kb1CuAwK0EOqllsTDy7l2swu-Zt0DgZXa_NcavexObpQTc9LPwdEtNYvJUNwmk3hxlR43awne36CyZu1sREGBmAZwZChj6Cw2a9Pt8b4DojZRAPevf4Q8bpdmR1KlXTzy/s1600-h/DSCF3751+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865058665470274" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaUA7Kb1CuAwK0EOqllsTDy7l2swu-Zt0DgZXa_NcavexObpQTc9LPwdEtNYvJUNwmk3hxlR43awne36CyZu1sREGBmAZwZChj6Cw2a9Pt8b4DojZRAPevf4Q8bpdmR1KlXTzy/s400/DSCF3751+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />It may be as small as an orange, or as big as a standard 600ml Chinese stubbie, but eating and drinking photos NEVER work.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoDjzClINJAni7Z9dCLabKYp8lMHNw3vtCG_rdMBPy9QE9e6a4Qo3B9NeaPqAOjlEPW3blGe41CIARE_jvbmjUfbSSpf_EYJ6gil4z-SlbuO8tuBbX3pOJuVlYEh4w9e2Fngm1/s1600-h/DSCF3763+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865058665470290" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoDjzClINJAni7Z9dCLabKYp8lMHNw3vtCG_rdMBPy9QE9e6a4Qo3B9NeaPqAOjlEPW3blGe41CIARE_jvbmjUfbSSpf_EYJ6gil4z-SlbuO8tuBbX3pOJuVlYEh4w9e2Fngm1/s400/DSCF3763+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />The old rule "Maintain your serial killer expression and don't talk on the Subway" is universal.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4_IGogHl7mlhgD_m2Df1qg5ts-h91L52e6EmkMf2ZmcOhGYBnTV88YIurLSaJQavGUMTByYmubKDxdPBxJXEgiJUJkLPlwC_dIME14vd5Cxmpk1wULanH0Wgck6d-VYa7xDMd/s1600-h/DSCF3773+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088865062960437602" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4_IGogHl7mlhgD_m2Df1qg5ts-h91L52e6EmkMf2ZmcOhGYBnTV88YIurLSaJQavGUMTByYmubKDxdPBxJXEgiJUJkLPlwC_dIME14vd5Cxmpk1wULanH0Wgck6d-VYa7xDMd/s400/DSCF3773+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Standing outside the Temple of Heaven and offering to show heaven to anyone who walks past doesn't work well; perhaps something is lost in translation.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimqkuy4wfE5naFOY5OPZiUoFWj3N3a4dh8oZUCXvsYYiduaLEJL-hpci42suyBba22GD5UJ0U4QvAzdpwlIMuKvw8zw-KhnarvkaRUz2TW4jp1FDYzPHXKtx_Nj5t1kirp8vwF/s1600-h/DSC02509+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088864689298282706" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimqkuy4wfE5naFOY5OPZiUoFWj3N3a4dh8oZUCXvsYYiduaLEJL-hpci42suyBba22GD5UJ0U4QvAzdpwlIMuKvw8zw-KhnarvkaRUz2TW4jp1FDYzPHXKtx_Nj5t1kirp8vwF/s400/DSC02509+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />The best photos always lack a vital party member.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgANrjPqughxZiAQJvKT7iZ_qOoLkmqCl4MnAC17xXUUsbTczRrhD0F03rIqxV-pDzJSRfsHerYr2V6K_HTS1C_uvquVM1Z3uMupH1wPxTcFwhjO5LUrhWV_aX53811FKnuuwhR/s1600-h/DSCF3631+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088864693593250018" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgANrjPqughxZiAQJvKT7iZ_qOoLkmqCl4MnAC17xXUUsbTczRrhD0F03rIqxV-pDzJSRfsHerYr2V6K_HTS1C_uvquVM1Z3uMupH1wPxTcFwhjO5LUrhWV_aX53811FKnuuwhR/s400/DSCF3631+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Asians like having their photos taken with even the most insignificant of Europeans. Here they pose with a few of the famous ones.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKltsKKT6-s-25oQ1ZymGqUsVGAS4s1WCBlAFDvy6yH4bIqPJKdBVOSgRXdmTVrGiG7q3vmaiitQV8jJ_uxIN3SOmtIePH979e6kXTNJNs5Cvyij4H7SyzHpPYGZMRuc1t-DI4/s1600-h/DSCF3675+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088864693593250034" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKltsKKT6-s-25oQ1ZymGqUsVGAS4s1WCBlAFDvy6yH4bIqPJKdBVOSgRXdmTVrGiG7q3vmaiitQV8jJ_uxIN3SOmtIePH979e6kXTNJNs5Cvyij4H7SyzHpPYGZMRuc1t-DI4/s400/DSCF3675+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Embracing nothingness is no longer respected during lunch.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixCtNCjdI8Gtz1c-qbgwf9SD9FAw7rTO8Xu63Tl9Mf1K4tDnXl7RN0PvN8FUMp7wGeVKLKmXoF9z2WrVfXFqJBjBjM9PqFlPHvP28QfpwUQrFV0y_OZ3ead8Nb29EE57NqEOYw/s1600-h/DSCF3679+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088864697888217346" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixCtNCjdI8Gtz1c-qbgwf9SD9FAw7rTO8Xu63Tl9Mf1K4tDnXl7RN0PvN8FUMp7wGeVKLKmXoF9z2WrVfXFqJBjBjM9PqFlPHvP28QfpwUQrFV0y_OZ3ead8Nb29EE57NqEOYw/s400/DSCF3679+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />If you are the one posing directly under a picture of Mao - you end up looking exactly like him.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFeS8YGuhZstEl_5Y8vmWGhLLIvh1Kj5NGIwBgywk39GgI-OCiaQcyfm7CaR5Aevxs_ZkyTVYUizO2tKFQuTS8uKcbnVczKcRwoplmTem5jrySM0BwVnB1qQxSjvYP8v60pG6/s1600-h/DSCF3683+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088864697888217362" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFeS8YGuhZstEl_5Y8vmWGhLLIvh1Kj5NGIwBgywk39GgI-OCiaQcyfm7CaR5Aevxs_ZkyTVYUizO2tKFQuTS8uKcbnVczKcRwoplmTem5jrySM0BwVnB1qQxSjvYP8v60pG6/s400/DSCF3683+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br />An actual slummy slum in Beijing is hard to find.Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16045255.post-44742069674103858722007-07-05T01:34:00.000-07:002007-07-05T03:22:27.893-07:00China<div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><br /><div>I touched down in the land of the Yo-yo Ma blues in the middle of the pouring rain. The flight was long and in it I realised that more sleep would have been a good idea, and that Bridge to Terabithia should have been more aptly named "Brushj to Terabithia." Ushj ushj ushj. The weather was muggy, kinda yucky, and my shoes decided to invite most of the water right in. Of course then it was a case of my shoes and socks going compress compress compress compress compress compress until I noticed it no longer. We sat in the traffic for over an hour at one point, and got a pretty darn good (and looong) look at Tianamen Square and the front of the Forbidden City (with Mao's handsome mug plastered above the door). I could probably draw the place from memory now!<br /></div><div></div><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCTuhn6m-qi4aS6Lw9fOuLCgY7pJIZu9hwLhk05imFKRNGf2MrKrUTnTTuKXc80rDrH4bJN8gJBFYcSRKtOwqgQbfQhQswfSx_-0XYhHgD0Gd2BQfIJaIqKgaYg8ikfpfUikk5/s1600-h/Swingers+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083654371135489202" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCTuhn6m-qi4aS6Lw9fOuLCgY7pJIZu9hwLhk05imFKRNGf2MrKrUTnTTuKXc80rDrH4bJN8gJBFYcSRKtOwqgQbfQhQswfSx_-0XYhHgD0Gd2BQfIJaIqKgaYg8ikfpfUikk5/s400/Swingers+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>Finally we got to the hotel, then straight out to the markets and some eating place with swings to aid digestion. It turns out herbal jelly isn't a lovely dessert, and eel is pretty good. Haggling at the markets was a totally new thing to me, but Graham was there to halve the offered price, halve it again, halve it once more, then offer one tenth of the result. Amazingly, the vendors were not insulted by the offers! It sounds all good, but it didn't take long to feel overwhelmed.<br /></div><br /><br /><div></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhruzg3EyouINeWzgfrlnEdj-F00_3myrs3f2_mW-7OgVlWVROunmz5MtQ-75Lo5u8btXl4rVeUgsJMJ2Srp2VHY_29eg5DwRCpLh8ufz0FgsDmqxpV6Vv96bB3pfV4mo5zZlAU/s1600-h/Dont+climb+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083653675350787218" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhruzg3EyouINeWzgfrlnEdj-F00_3myrs3f2_mW-7OgVlWVROunmz5MtQ-75Lo5u8btXl4rVeUgsJMJ2Srp2VHY_29eg5DwRCpLh8ufz0FgsDmqxpV6Vv96bB3pfV4mo5zZlAU/s400/Dont+climb+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpViOmdigcZnyvaapxGCv4LFhbG95nQROAzvIwe52L-nFbAs2XKYVqC4e876bGo6VX1OjmxjlJjBOm1aMxHo578TjSm2qjCo0jPzBYaXjs7gSSC1bP-GXj8vLWpxCNf5sVq_v9/s1600-h/Jared+Leto+tryhard+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083648469850424306" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpViOmdigcZnyvaapxGCv4LFhbG95nQROAzvIwe52L-nFbAs2XKYVqC4e876bGo6VX1OjmxjlJjBOm1aMxHo578TjSm2qjCo0jPzBYaXjs7gSSC1bP-GXj8vLWpxCNf5sVq_v9/s400/Jared+Leto+tryhard+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div> </div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcwHry_1q0XUEjgOf7Y-qKMKbZMdvlaijEGxtBpJsmfzIdLg6v-5dQtpASKNYFwYQFdtQA1ULsyew6KTcF3ma3Fl8DGeyhEN6fjwl_9o1bUit7NLnY3zRIyWC7Gqd3W1FXSA6H/s1600-h/Meditation+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083651764090340450" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcwHry_1q0XUEjgOf7Y-qKMKbZMdvlaijEGxtBpJsmfzIdLg6v-5dQtpASKNYFwYQFdtQA1ULsyew6KTcF3ma3Fl8DGeyhEN6fjwl_9o1bUit7NLnY3zRIyWC7Gqd3W1FXSA6H/s400/Meditation+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div> </div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtiLnOoXf7roBG4SafrG4f3W96VMluDYXVrS0JzN3dg9v4GwMpvFFeGknYRWBHvpHt9XwiPxOiEpMPFb4v8LHit1dg9hgKhsLgvh-9_2r7D_rlXzcbTAnUrlUQOLjZ-o8B6fxL/s1600-h/Vitruvian+Jon+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083651218629493842" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtiLnOoXf7roBG4SafrG4f3W96VMluDYXVrS0JzN3dg9v4GwMpvFFeGknYRWBHvpHt9XwiPxOiEpMPFb4v8LHit1dg9hgKhsLgvh-9_2r7D_rlXzcbTAnUrlUQOLjZ-o8B6fxL/s400/Vitruvian+Jon+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div>The Forbidden City was next on the list, with the best fun being going where we weren't supposed to. Guards actually <em>hiss </em>at you when you do something wrong. My mission was to imitate Jared Leto from 30 Seconds to Mars in the video clip "From Yesterday." Not the most convincing result, but hey, the setting wasn't quite exact. </div></div><br /><div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSPU_MYB2Oz_euM-nKamICArtEruyVynm4xgVEowncO8Ua9k23hy1vsOYmovi6vM3XxLw8loRMIR2A3nzcDhxN46mxxow_DCQ6Kva_F1V_HD1t9QoEeSS0AQFsKnwAvJQHNQeK/s1600-h/Woohoo+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083653855739413666" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSPU_MYB2Oz_euM-nKamICArtEruyVynm4xgVEowncO8Ua9k23hy1vsOYmovi6vM3XxLw8loRMIR2A3nzcDhxN46mxxow_DCQ6Kva_F1V_HD1t9QoEeSS0AQFsKnwAvJQHNQeK/s400/Woohoo+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>Biking in Beijing! Awesome! Orderly chaos! (If that...) It really helps having no hills. And a leader who knows where he's going... Or at least guesses well.</div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihcjp9XI9R71WaFT-nxnSF2dIUDQ844JaqPnbi8t5nEHevfdP9F3lXK0n8Ce3B9myhVV67FDaSAuB38SKRpaqEGObaLY1LeT272T2zB7lIZM8mT6SKlpgPtsuMOPk0CuCUkXJf/s1600-h/Where+is+Dom+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083648826332709890" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihcjp9XI9R71WaFT-nxnSF2dIUDQ844JaqPnbi8t5nEHevfdP9F3lXK0n8Ce3B9myhVV67FDaSAuB38SKRpaqEGObaLY1LeT272T2zB7lIZM8mT6SKlpgPtsuMOPk0CuCUkXJf/s400/Where+is+Dom+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div>Dom! I said I'd meet you in Tianamen square at 2pm! What happened??</div><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ_i_f9AinMiDiITyO2wLo-uMvJI6qwvUIHO_qnnXZX3iiu2cxWLsRz9XZIlJn5IRQmzKgD-5HhKL1b-VN3UIlUUdUn1jxKG5ly7z92Unn9rGqhY0F5Awp206Xh9PtIP5m__Rb/s1600-h/Sum+dork+(600+x+450).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083654774862415058" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ_i_f9AinMiDiITyO2wLo-uMvJI6qwvUIHO_qnnXZX3iiu2cxWLsRz9XZIlJn5IRQmzKgD-5HhKL1b-VN3UIlUUdUn1jxKG5ly7z92Unn9rGqhY0F5Awp206Xh9PtIP5m__Rb/s400/Sum+dork+(600+x+450).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgarhQNjpHFhoyBVbe7AZs_a86zF-Mo0rrf_pV3wHZVOL3LKc-6wegxxOMHlYJWeapr6d0XQBZsA9Wt7-oj9oQmGBAsqLmh_5hOnp8k8u6q1f7HVAtYHwNnlF4znAbGZ11K2tPQ/s1600-h/Great+Wall+Shirt+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083649066850878482" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgarhQNjpHFhoyBVbe7AZs_a86zF-Mo0rrf_pV3wHZVOL3LKc-6wegxxOMHlYJWeapr6d0XQBZsA9Wt7-oj9oQmGBAsqLmh_5hOnp8k8u6q1f7HVAtYHwNnlF4znAbGZ11K2tPQ/s400/Great+Wall+Shirt+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div>The Great Wall was the plan for the second full day. It forms the northern part of the city, but it still takes three hours to get there. When you're there you aquire your own stalkers! They pretend it doesn't cost you anything to have them walking with you, but at the end of the walk they spring you with 'guide fees.' You walk, they walk, you stop, they stop, you hint at them politely to get lost and they 'don't understand.' These people aren't underprivileged! They harass people successfully for a living! So we had to run away. Vanessa did a great job but her old lady ran after her, and even figured out her tricky plan when she dodged around the pillars in guard tower five! Fortunately the ticket collecters pared down the stalkers and we made it to the almost end mostly unharmed. Unfortunately some of us decided that wasn't the end and we walked two more towers <em>straight up. </em>Ushj! I was rather happy to find out we had gone too far and had to turn back. Great beer at the end! Oh, and a decent achievement as well.<br /></div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkMlwA9WaUMfZDIfitbBRmI_IR4snlKDzVRBXPUS_fBEKoT_qnYKZnkZwEgipzM7vko2ujcA0wmTh9VILF5awJ_G-sBYWG9JFzGp3xuLTiIAapcgaa977W57fBRy7yERnRU2ul/s1600-h/Kudes+Temps+of+Heav+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083649440513033250" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkMlwA9WaUMfZDIfitbBRmI_IR4snlKDzVRBXPUS_fBEKoT_qnYKZnkZwEgipzM7vko2ujcA0wmTh9VILF5awJ_G-sBYWG9JFzGp3xuLTiIAapcgaa977W57fBRy7yERnRU2ul/s400/Kudes+Temps+of+Heav+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /></div><div>Shopping on the third day was also rather wet, and I got a little carried away. One Rolex, a pair of Diesel shoes, a Nike jacket, X-Files seasons 4,5 and 6, Seasons 1-10 of Friends and Season 6 of Scrubs later I decided I was running low on money. The bonus was the stuff was all 100% genuine :) The Temple of Heaven in the rain was pretty cool, and it was good to be mindful of the fact that there would be double the people if it wasn't raining. Even more fun to stand in the middle of the stone of resonance and sing "I like Chinese." And then get shot.</div><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX9wVf9jskq00ISFpfoPJSZFRuAocc_IJPmlPc9Z9p9IJVQndrx3Tny67KwFtzL390liWxwrmWK4l6AaOEdAyiKOAXZWLVKWoTfOWyred5m9pzEtaMcicFuiyC5fz2g2eGAx0P/s1600-h/Summer+Coke+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083651978838705266" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX9wVf9jskq00ISFpfoPJSZFRuAocc_IJPmlPc9Z9p9IJVQndrx3Tny67KwFtzL390liWxwrmWK4l6AaOEdAyiKOAXZWLVKWoTfOWyred5m9pzEtaMcicFuiyC5fz2g2eGAx0P/s400/Summer+Coke+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div> </div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiabQdFHwnAfX2c8HcrlSEQhs3viYvMKfTH0xiq70vZl5yvdbyLMk3T7DHR0ZKAjQzFAF-VQtxZW06JItPtIirwA4W2CBi72UY2TtCw0mvzyEyrk3F4l_TKCLliSu_OeGO4XK8L/s1600-h/Embracing+Universe+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083650093348062258" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiabQdFHwnAfX2c8HcrlSEQhs3viYvMKfTH0xiq70vZl5yvdbyLMk3T7DHR0ZKAjQzFAF-VQtxZW06JItPtIirwA4W2CBi72UY2TtCw0mvzyEyrk3F4l_TKCLliSu_OeGO4XK8L/s400/Embracing+Universe+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>Last day already? Ushj! We made up for it by going to the Zoo, then the Summer Palace. Saw more animals at the Summer Palace. Not really, but every man and his dog decided to do exactly what we were doing that day. That didn't stop me finding plenty of time for embracing the universe at the Hall of Embracing the Universe, which was covered in scaffolding which looked really authentic, Chinese and appropriate. We went round the lake anticlockwise (clever, eh?) and under the 750m mural. They say that it is so beautiful that no couple can walk under it and come out the other side unengaged. Luckily I was walking with Mike, so I emerged from the other side engaged to him. Glad I wasn't walking with Mum, that would have been too weird! Then I figured Sheryl might get mad if she found out I was engaged to her husband, so I quietly broke it off. It turned out anyway that Mike was unaware of our whole thing. OK, that joke ends there!</div><br /><div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8clGn_G7nxbEeBLjoziwYol30epIQH4iMcTr6bD_EO0PKL-O2pYUqap4I_S5hsnOwK-TekXqfKDQv2GYDSas8Gxuj5o1KhE-57ig5NSm8CVmifmBGknCYd-6Jko0rEC6w94eQ/s1600-h/Scorpio+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083652210766939266" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8clGn_G7nxbEeBLjoziwYol30epIQH4iMcTr6bD_EO0PKL-O2pYUqap4I_S5hsnOwK-TekXqfKDQv2GYDSas8Gxuj5o1KhE-57ig5NSm8CVmifmBGknCYd-6Jko0rEC6w94eQ/s400/Scorpio+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div>That same night we made it back late, but just in time to hit the town and eat scorpions on a stick! You won't believe it, but they tasted great! Like chicken, of course.<br /><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxNIZc86yo7P7rkAUcFkX7MTS8dWICsm1TlBO1kWDz8zNinWP3e4pqT7wzNtk8y21S7n5ZK945eBmZ68GmVsUbJjnh_G3Nt-4idFu2fvmPQkGn7bO0q5mgbxeV5FQP_6njHXvB/s1600-h/Merlion+(450+x+600).jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5083650346751132738" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxNIZc86yo7P7rkAUcFkX7MTS8dWICsm1TlBO1kWDz8zNinWP3e4pqT7wzNtk8y21S7n5ZK945eBmZ68GmVsUbJjnh_G3Nt-4idFu2fvmPQkGn7bO0q5mgbxeV5FQP_6njHXvB/s400/Merlion+(450+x+600).jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>We were all rather sad to say goodbye, but we did get a glimpse of Singapore on the way back, with a two and a half hour trip through the city.</div><br /><div>Made a rather good week, really. Back to the coal face. Right now it's snowing outside, and I've just been informed the water in the shower has gone cold. Life is harsh, eh?</div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13666172633756282177noreply@blogger.com8